in honor of valentine's day...

i wouldn't consider myself a die hard valentines day kind of girl [although i fully enjoy the day and the sweetness of celebrating love] but i figured i could take advantage of the fact that this day is filled with posts proclaiming how great their significant other is, and do a little proclaiming of my own.  

this guy... oh how i love him.

it happens nearly every day. I'll be sitting at work, thinking of him, realizing i have x amount of hours till i see him again... and i tear up. i literally have tears swell up in my eyes, just thinking of this sweet man. I think of our story, i think of our dreams for the future, and i think of the sweet present stage we are in - one of discovery, of so much growth, and one of realizing how our Father rejoices in joining people together. our story is just beginning, but it is already my favorite. 

he is so patient, so gentle, so good at listening to others and at truly caring for people. i adore his blue eyes, his usually wild curly hair, and his hugs. he is a daring but good cook, a bookworm, a thinker. he makes me a better version of myself, and has so deeply impacted my spiritual walk. never have i seen someone so content to just sit and spend time with Jesus, and i feel completely safe that he will always seek the truth and will obey what God leads him to do.

yes, we disagree, we have some harder days, and we're still new at this. however, there is a deep safety in our relationship, a safety found in knowing that our God is good and that living by His spirit and in His strength gives us the ability to love fully, live joyfully, to spur one another on, and to be true representatives of the marriage covenant - a reflection of His covenant with us. 

i am one who LOVES to reflect (to a fault sometimes, hello nostalgia!) and i also have a pretttty impressive memory if i may say so myself, so i'm going to take you on a little journey into the past. here is our little love story. i apologize if it gets lengthy....

i remember the first moment i heard of nicholas, or at least i think it was the first moment. it was november of 2011 and i was in an internet cafe in cambodia. i was on outreach for my Discipleship Training School through Youth With a Mission,  which was based in germany but we were in the outreach phase of the school now. i was sitting next to my friend sherry, checking email and whatnot. she said something along the lines of 'oh, i just got an email update from my friend nicholas. he's doing a DTS with YWAM and they're on outreach in India." she was off on his age and said he was 18, so i didn't think much of it at the time. 

fast forward to june of 2012. i had finished my DTS, went back to the USA, went back to Germany to staff with YWAM, then went back to the USA, and after some months at home i flew to texas (where sherry was from, as well as a few other friends i met in Germany) to check out the YWAM base there. i remember the date - june 9th - and i remember what i was wearing - a pink dress with flowers - i went to a worship conference with my friend calli, and was reunited with sherry after 6 months apart. we were outside getting ready to leave and sherry took me over to this shy looking guy and says something like 'Nicholas, this is Karmen! we were in Cambodia together, we had to share a mosquito net at night' and then she flips me around and says check out her tattoo! [there is an outline of a world map tattooed across my upper back] nicholas didn't say too much and i don't recall the words exchanged. he later told me he was 'intimidated by my beauty' [awwwww]. 

so... that was that. i immediately connected him as the guy sherry told me about in Cambodia, but didn't think much else. i saw him again a few days later at a meeting for YWAM, and we once again didn't say much to each other. at the time my thoughts didn't go much further than that he seemed like a nice, quiet guy and that we would be staffing together if i decided to join YWAM austin. 

i did decide to join, and i moved to austin in august of 2012. i do remember that after i left austin in june, he would randomly cross my mind and i couldn't figure out why. [keep in mind at this point i still thought he was 18-19 like sherry had said.] i was going through some pretty deep heart stuff and had told God i didn't want a thing to do with ANY guy anymore until he was so obviously from God. anyways, so august comes and we're all meeting together daily. YWAM is almost like a whole other world. sure, anywhere you go forming a relationship is an effort and a choice, but ywam sets the stage for relationships to be formed pretty deeply and quickly. part of our staff training time was sharing our life stories, our testimonies. other parts involved talking about some pretty deep heart stuff, lots of tears were shed by most everyone [everyone being a small group, like 15 people if that] so basically, you're getting to know someones junk right off the bat - no years of relationship building THEN finding out about their past or whatever. also, during this time i found out sherry was a little off and nicholas was actually 22 almost 23.. haha :] i was bombarded with thoughts of him basically from the start, and just kept surrendering it back to God... "please God, don't let me fall for someone who isn't from you" the funny thing is, at the beginning i thought he was someone i would never like. he was cute and nice, but was a bit dorky and dressed.. interesting. i'm talking lime green shirt, oversized pants, and CROCS! (haha, we laugh about this now... im not being mean :) i was quickly humbled by realizing those were totally superficial things.  anyways, nicholas & i were two of the quieter ones, sharing small conversations here and there. one day however, everyone else was doing their own thing and we somehow started a conversation that lasted 6+ hours, filled with more life story sharing, deep thoughts, lots of questions, and other random things. it was the start of a beautiful friendship. there were also some totally weird moments in conversation where it felt like he was basically speaking my heart back to me, without knowing it. i saw how our lives and dreams for the future aligned and didn't know what to make of it. we talked about anything and everything, and along with our growing friendship it was also such a sweet time of so much personal spiritual growth for me. i had never been so aware of God's love for me, His goodness, and how He can fully restore and redeem anything and anyone. it became pretty obvious to most of the other staff that something was forming between us, and i had confided in a few close friends. a small blow up happened, and nicholas actually said he didn't like me, but after praying and taking a step back realized he was just focused on stuff God was doing in Him, and that he really did have feelings for me and they were growing.  none of this was talked about till later, so for a few weeks i thought he didn't like me, but our long conversations continued and those silly feelings JUST WOULDN'T STOP! 

in december 2012, he left for an outreach in the philippines. a week into his trip, he voxered me that he in fact did have feelings for me, and had been praying and seeking counsel on it for the last few weeks. i was shocked but somehow so settled inside. when our friendship started, it just felt like it HAD to be God, but then when he said we were just friends, i felt a bit betrayed by my own intuition and what i thought to be the Holy Spirit leading the whole thing. so he tells me he likes me, but wants to take a couple weeks to really, really pray into it deeply and see if we think it's from God. we had discussed before as friends, that neither of us were into dating [i had 1 previous relationship, he had none] and we both didn't want to be with someone until we truly believed it was from God. so, a few weeks went by and right around Christmas we decided that we saw God's hand alll over this friendship and nicholas said he wanted to pursue me... he even asked my parents' permission (awwww) remember, this is all happening from 8,000 ish miles apart - thanks Jesus for voxer and skype! - so, for the first 4 months of our relationship we were long distance. it was tough and stretching, but also felt amazing to go through that and come out better for it. 

during our months apart YWAM had some trouble finding housing so i, along with some others in YWAM, moved in with his family, who were also in YWAM. in february everyone else but me and his family moved out. most everyone else was from the area and had places to go, but me being from North Dakota...nope. so here i am, living with his family, while our relationship is budding. so strange, so not the normal start of a relationship, but it was so from God and such a blessing to get to know his family and be a part of their daily life.

in april he returned and we were completely giddy. i was still living at his families house, in an rv on their property, so nicholas comes home and we are suddenly together all the time. it was a really sweet, sweet time of getting to know each other even more, being with him in his native setting [among his fam] and deepening our sweet friendship.

we felt like God was leading us out of YWAM in May, and just a week later we were engaged!  less than 11 weeks later, married. 

so our timeline was a little something like this...

june 2012 - meet

august 2012 - join ywam, daily interaction and friendship building

december 2012 - start our relationship from afar

april 2013 - reunited

june 2013 - engaged

august 2013 - married

sounds crazy, right? it was like God had us on the fast track the whole time, but the weird this is it never felt fast... it all felt so led by Jesus and all in perfect timing. and really, because of how YWAM is (living in community, deep relationships forming fast) and because i lived with his family, we got to know each other much, much quicker than you would in your typical relationship. having a date or two a week is much different than daily life together, seeing the good, bad, and the ugly, all within the context of heathy, pure relationship building. 

so, that may just sound like a long, random story of romance, but to me it speaks so deeply. it shows how much our Father cares about our lives and our hearts, and how He honors our heartfelt requests. it also shows how things don't have to be so typical - i don't HAVE to date someone for three years and have a year long engagement to have an acceptable relationship. you don't have to marry someone with an opposite personality (we're both pretty introverted and have numerous similarities, at the same time we're still different and complimentary) i don't have to wait till i am __ years old to be 'mature' enough to get married. maybe those things are true for you and that's fine, but there is not a formula for it. the most important thing for any decision in life is simply Jesus. follow Jesus. be led by Him. don't be afraid to stray from the worlds standards. i am all about friends and wise counsel from others. it is a blessing and i think that God can and does speak through others, but their word is not the bottom line. the world's standards are NOT the bottom line. 

don't let anything or anyone else determine your life, but Jesus. 

happy valentine's day, everyone!