2016 · a reflection

I'm a little late getting around to this, but I wanted to make sure and post this! I've enjoyed looking back on each of the reflection posts I have done in recent years. This post won't focus on what we did ministry wise, but just a little overview of some of the other events each month held for us. So, here goes!

 · january ·

January gave us some downtime after very, very busy months helping staff the discipleship training school. We were able to travel a couple of hours east in Slovakia to the beautiful High Tatra mountains. It was an incredible, and very cold, little sightseeing trip exploring more of this absolutely beautiful country we called home. 

 · february ·

A highlight of February was moving into our own place - WOOHOO! We had the cutest little cottage on the base property. We had fun decorating it with random free items that people had donated to the base. We didn't have a working kitchen, so we walked over to the base to do our cooking, but still, *we had our own little place*!

 · march ·

March involved more settling in to our place, cute easter markets, more beautiful scenery, and dying my hair with henna! :) 

 · april ·

As the weather warmed up, we tried to explore more and more of our surroundings. We tried to go on walks just about every day, and the beauty we continually stumbled upon was so refreshing! This month ended with a trip to the Czech Republic for ministry, but we had so much fun seeing the beautiful city of Brno as well! The last picture is of Nicholas in a 'dungeon' that was in the basement of a seemingly normal restaurant. It was both eery and hilarious.

 · may ·

More beauty, the view while walking to the dentist (ugh), and pictures from Hungary, where we went to a YWAM conference. Spring weather was beautiful and so refreshing after a chilly winter. This was also the month where we officially decided (after being in the process of deciding for a few months) to leave Slovakia and return to the states for a bit of a furlough before pursuing our next step in ministry and life. This was such a tough decision, and it made the days following bittersweet, as we tried to truly cherish every single moment we had left in this lovely country.

 · june ·

Our last month in Slovakia! It really was a special time. We visited some new places in our city, revisited old favorites, and took lots of pictures. I cannot describe how much this country nestled itself into my heart. Leaving was heartbreaking, but our hearts were full of peace and excitement about what would be next for us. The last picture is of Nicholas in his families home... oh how good it felt to return to loved ones!

 · july ·

Seeing friends and family again after 18 months was so special. July was also a month of realizing more and more how much a time of rest was needed. The last 18 months had held so much, both ministry wise and in our personal lives, and having a place to return to and just 'be', was important for us. We made numerous trips to one of Nicholas's favorite places - Half Priced Books. We also enjoyed different foods and experiences we had missed during our 18 months away!

 · august ·

August was quite the month! We went on a cross country (Texas to North Dakota) road trip with Nicholas's Grandma Kay to visit my family in North Dakota. We went to Mount Rushmore and Crazy Horse while on the way there - so cool! While in North Dakota, we met a new niece and nephew. We also celebrated our third wedding anniversary and my 25th birthday. 

 · september ·

We began September with another road trip - this time with my parents, traveling from North Dakota, to Washington, with lots of stops inbetween.  We visited my sister Amber and her family in Montana, went to the absolutely gorgeous Glacier National Park, and I was able to introduce Nicholas to my beautiful birthplace in Idaho. While in Idaho we were able to have a little getaway in a cozy cabin in the woods owned by some friends. We ended this trip by driving to Washington and flying back to Texas. The second half of the month was spent back in Austin, where we revisited some of our favorite places from our previous time in Austin, as well as some new places around the area. (the last picture is blurry, but I still love the view!)

 · october ·

October began in Pennsylvania, where we spent a week visiting some new friends and their ministry that we were considering being apart of. It was the first time in Pennsylvania for both of us and we loved seeing the beauty of the state! We enjoyed time at the famous Longwood Gardens with Nicholas's brother Jonathan, who was visiting family in Pennsylvania at the same time as our trip. We came back from our trip and made the decision that we would indeed move to Pennsylvania to be apart of this community and ministry. We also experienced the loss of Nicholas's precious grandmother this month, which was very hard on the whole family. We began to make plans to move to Pennsylvania as soon as possible. We were disappointed at the thought of missing Christmas with family, especially after being apart. We all decided to celebrate at the beginning of November, so...the Christmas decorations went up in October! :)

 · november ·

We celebrated Christmas the first weekend in November and then planned on moving immediately after. However, housing in this area of PA is very hard to find, even though we had already been looking for over a month. Nicholas's brother and grandpa (who had also decided to move to Pennsylvania to be near family up there), along with most of our belongings, made the move without us. November was spent looking, and looking, and looking, for housing, along with enjoying the extra time we had with family. I especially enjoyed seeing a family members sweet French Bulldog a couple of times. This picture makes it look like I am choking her, but I assure you, I am not :p

 · december ·

December began (and nearly ended) with us still in Texas. Much to our surprise, we ended up still being there at Christmastime... so much for celebrating early so we wouldn't miss out! :) We found housing right before Christmas, and bought tickets to fly out on the 29th... finally! Though we had nearly two months extra with family, it was still bittersweet to say goodbye. We're so thankful for our loved ones! We ended the month, and the year, settling in to our new home. Featured below is the beautiful view out of our living room window, and Nicholas embarrassing me while trying out pillows in Walmart... haha :)

Wow, 2016 held so much! 

In all honesty... it was a hard, hard, HARD, year. It was hard in so many different ways. Infertility continues to be apart of our lives... we're nearing the three year mark. We repeated the test that first diagnosed us with severe infertility twice this year (four times total) each time hoping and hoping for improvement. Nope. In fact, we found out it's worse than we thought. I gave my sweet husband shots in the stomach, hoping to improve a level that was on the lower end, and could have had some impact on his fertility. He went on a crazy restrictive diet per naturopathic doctors orders. He's taken countless supplements for months and months, all said to help improve our issue. All of those things, and no results. We've taken steps as we feel led, and have not felt like are supposed to give up on a miracle and just pursue treatment, nor just believe in a miracle and not keep pursuing answers. It's both, for us. And we continue to pray about what step is or isn't next. I've cried countless tears, skipped events, and felt desperately lonely, all because of this horrible disease and the ache it leaves us with. I've felt strongly about being open about our journey, but I've also felt incredibly self conscious about being open. I have experienced some hurt by peoples responses, or by my own fears of what people could be thinking (Why would they believe for a miracle? Why don't they just adopt? Why does she keep talking about it?) And in the midst of it all, I am continually asking myself what faith and grief in this situation is supposed to look like. I've said goodbye to precious friends, and have started all over, yet again, in a new place with new people. I've had hurtful things happen in relationships. I've learned other disappointing, heartbreaking news. I've watched, for the first time in my life, someone pass away right in front of me, and have been at a loss for how to process that, let alone how to help loved ones in their grief as well. I could go on.

But.... I've also experienced times of such joy and depth. I've seen absolutely beautiful places and I do not take that for granted. My love for travel was more than satisfied this year. I've revisited places that have so much meaning, and have discovered new things. I've been so thankful for the time we've had with friends and family. I've deepened my relationship with those I was previously close to, and have truly experienced the beauty of friendships bringing so much joy in the midst of pain. I've met wonderful people. I've been so blessed by different family and friends continued support of us as it relates to our infertility journey. They don't know how much their prayers and continued reaching out means to my heart. I've learned more and more of God as Immanuel, "God with us", because, He is... He is so present. He is so with us. He is okay with us experiencing doubt, grief, and asking tough questions. He doesn't wait for us to be in a certain emotional place before He shows Himself or His love... He never stops giving of Himself. Even when I am caught up in my emotions and shutting out His love, He is still there. He is so faithful.

2017, I am hopeful and excited to see what you have in store, because I know that no matter what you hold, there will still be beauty... there will still be joy.